Eventually It All Comes Full Circle
(Zero 7 - In The Waiting Line)

I made a miniature tree out of grape stems and play-doh on Friday. I decorated it with tacks and paper clips. Today I came into the office and the stem had wilted and was sagging in its play-doh pot. I’ve never been able to nurse plants. Any plants I’ve ever had in my care have wilted and died. Back in elementary school when we would plant seeds for science class and tracked their progression over the weeks, my plant would always be the slowest to grow and the first one to die. I don’t have much of a green thumb. I can’t even keep a fake miniature tree alive.
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I got my new retro Reebok hats last week and I decided to wear it all weekend while I played poker at the CNE casino. I now remember why I don’t wear hats too often. My forehead is breaking out like a pubescent teen who loves chocolate. I did however win at poker so I guess I can afford to buy some acne cream.
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I’m finding it hard to carry my pda, digital camera, cell phone, iPod and wallet everywhere I go these days. I might soon have to join the messenger bag clique. For awhile I just stuffed everything in my pockets so I looked like the kid after Halloween that would stuff his pockets full of candy before he went to school. And every now and then I have my cell phone in my pocket and I know people want to crack the, “Is that a cell phone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” joke. To which I’ve got the, “I’m happy to see you, my penis just happens to be shaped like a cell phone. LONG distance calls only.” reply ready. That reply was funnier in my head.

Hand me that remote, all that stuff is a sideshow.
(The Shins - Caring is Creepy)

It really is isn't it?
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I was commenting earlier to Sonia how my parents' peach tree is dead. That it hasn't beared fruit for the last 2 years ever since one of it's main branches was broken in a storm. Then I noted to her how our cherry tree is finally bearing fruit but the birds keep eating them but leaving the seeds behind still attached to the stem and tree. I guess in a way that's sort of like how I leave empty bags of milk in the fridge. I think I'll stop that habit starting today.

I digress.

It would seem as though 2 out of the 3 fruit trees that we have, the other being a pear tree, are fruits that I'm allergic too. I couldn't help but wonder that, if my parents knew I was allergic to those fruits, would they still have planted those trees or would they have chosen some other fruit trees. It would be a nice gesture if they did. I think it's these little things that we do for each other that are the ultimate expression of love.

Maybe my dad really killed the peach tree and my mom actually eats all the cherries and leaves the pits. I know they love me.
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Memorable Quotes...

Andrew - You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? That idea of home is gone. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

Sam - This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing.

Mark - Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole.

...

Go see Garden State...unique and intelligent...something we all wish we were.

We’ll take our hearts outside, leave our lives behind and watch the stars come out.
(Blank & Jones – Nightfly)

Sometimes the hardest thing to avoid in life is feeling sorry for yourself. Let’s face it, self-loathing is somewhat addictive. And if you’re going to go down, you want to go down in flames. You want to be the most pathetic bugger out there.

I think feeling sorry for yourself and putting focus on only the negative things in your life is therapeutic. It allows you to deal with some of the woes that you haven’t dealt with yet; it allows you to share some of that burden with the people around you; getting the sympathies that we don’t usually get in our everyday life.

So for all you miserable people out there -- keep being miserable. I mean, at least until you’re ready to be happy. When you’ve dealt with all of it and you’re ready to pick up your life where you left off, call me. I’ll be ready to take you out and we’ll paint the town red.

Just when I thought the lady in the warehouse couldn't possibly look any worse, she went and dyed her hair red and styled it like Albert Einstein. She has now officially lowered her status as "beaten with the ugly stick" to "has a face that could stop a clock".

Crap, was that something in her eye or did she just wink at me?

Spinning On That Dizzy Edge
(The Cure – Just Like Heaven)

I can’t recall how many times I could have been removed from this world and yet somehow I managed to avoid the universe’s extinction agenda.

There was that time when I was about 6 yrs old and my parents let me go out into the backyard during a thunderstorm so I could splash around in the giant puddle underneath our big tree. I’m not sure if the thought ever crossed their mind that lighting + water + big tree = crispy-fried-Khiem. I know it never crossed mine.

Then there was that time I went to a birthday party and nearly drowned in the deep end of that unsupervised swimming pool. As I was standing on the bottom of that pool looking up at my friends frantically trying to figure out what to do, I was calm. I pushed myself back up to the surface and began to swim to the side of the pool. I never learned to swim, I still don’t know how to swim, but I don’t think my mind would ever let me drown.

It’s amazing how our survival instincts work. It’s because of this strong force that keeps me afloat, that I can’t help but wonder why people quit on life. When does life become so unbearable that you stop trying to save yourself? I’d like to think that if I ever got to that point, that someone else would try to save me.

Would you save me from unbearable perils?

Sunshine Coast Fun
(Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out)


Blue skies and black berries.


Rock cod and oysters.


Mini-shark and crab fetishes.


Ling cod and...um...another ling cod.

Expectations always lead you stumbling down a path of poorly paved good intentions.
(Maxi Priest – Wild World)

I said it a year ago and I’ll say it today -- expectations are for the birds. If you stop expecting good things to happen and just enjoy the moment, the moment will be that more rewarding.

I’m as happy as I’ve ever been. I don’t expect this moment to last but I’ve never had anything against pleasant surprises.

...

I’ve had a change of heart recently. I really do like samosa’s. I however, still don’t like “ga lay gai”.

I’m also learning a bit of Cantonese these days.

I am a “lang chai” and Sonia is a “lang luo”!

...

Some people are retarded rude. A Chinese family came into Sonia’s uncle’s restaurant when we were in BC and had a buffet dinner. The buffet dinner was about $8 for adults and $5 for kids. There was about 20 of them there. They asked her uncle for a discount.

You’re eating a buffet for $5 and $8, what sort of discount are you expecting?

Then after her uncle refused to give them a discount, they paid and left without leaving a tip. I guess the waiters and waitresses don’t need a tip for waiting on them while they eat their pricy meal.

People like this should be put on an island somewhere...surrounded by sharks with fricken lasers on their head.

If We Took a Holiday, Took Some Time to Celebrate
(The Strokes - Between Love and Hate)

You know what I hate? Reading blogs that are simple recounts of someone’s weekend/week. And I’m about to do the exact same thing I hate so I’ll try and make this as brief and to the point as possible.

First 4 Days in BC – The Sunshine Coast
Highlights
- Granville Island (just before we headed to the ferries
- Riding the big BC ferries to the town of Sechelt
- Fishing, oyster picking, clam digging, crab trapping.
- Feeding the bald eagles.
- Cruising davis bay and the inlet in a 17 foot boat.
- Eating our catches at Sonia’s uncle’s restaurant.
- Steamed rock cod, deep fried salty spicy shark, crab, fried oysters and clams.
- Canning fresh salmon to take back to Toronto.
- Watching the sunset over the mountains while skipping rocks on the water.
- Doing a 2 hour hike through a temperate rainforest to the Skukamchuck rapids/whirlpools.
- Picking seaweed.

Last 3 Days in BC – Vancouver, Vancouver Island
- Stanley Park and the Aquarium
- UBC and the Museum of Anthropology
- Grouse Mountain
- The Vancouver Art Gallery (Andy Warhol Exhibit)
- Vancouver Island
- The Butchart Gardens
- Daiso and the bad drivers in Richmond.
- Dinner at some Thai restaurant in Yaletown.

Observations
- In Vancouver people buy used adult magazines; sticky pages and all.
- The roads are a lot narrower and people drive much slower.
- Unmarked cop cars are really unmarked.
- Sashimi is fresher than me on a first date.
- The city is basically a smaller version of Toronto with a mountain backdrop.
- I want to retire to the Sunshine Coast one day.
- Seagulls on Granville Island look like well-fed chickens.
- Wild blackberries grow everywhere.
- They taste great and I’m mildly allergic to them.
- Richmond is the home of Canada’s worst drivers.
- Gas and house prices are ridiculously high. Cheapest gas price I found was 79.9. My parent’s house here in Toronto would cost somewhere around $800 000 in Vancouver. I could never afford to live in Vancouver.

Overall it was a great vacation. The city of Vancouver is just like a smaller version of Toronto and I wasn’t as impressed with the city as much as I was impressed with the Sunshine Coast. The pace of life on the Sunshine Coast seemed very lax like myself. The sunsets are beautiful. The people are nice. The fishing and seafood are amazing.

Hopefully I can make this a yearly trip with Sonia to BC.

I know you're expecting an update but I'm too tired tonight. Here are some photos to hold you off until then...



Sunsets are beautiful on the Sunshine Coast of BC.



We saw a lot of beautiful weather on our vacation.




Jellyfish rock. Feeding the bald eagles friggin rocks!

Damn You Fruits!
(Madonna - Holiday)

So apparently I have Oral Allergy Syndrome according to Vanessa. No that doesn’t mean I’m allergic to oral sex.

Here’s a list of my kryptonite.

1) Cherries
2) Apples
3) Peaches
4) Apricots
5) Plums
6) Almonds

Symptoms include rapid onset of itching of the lips, mouth, or pharynx, swelling of the lips, tongue throat, and palate, and crying/whining like a baby.
…

By this time tomorrow I will be in Vancouver basking in the sun and warm weather with Sonia. I apologize ahead of time for my lack of bloggage over the next week. Pretend it’s a very long awkward silence.

So…

Melodrama for your Mama.
(Lauryn Hill - Killing Me Softly)

Top 5 : Two things that shouldn’t go together but more often than not do.

1) Melodrama and a big mouth.
2) Dumb athletes and camera time.
3) Intelligent peope and pretention.
4) Village idiots and weapons (at least in the US).
5) Underwear and my ass crack.

Bassmasters
(Chantal Kreviazuk - Surrounded)

I just had the most awkward conversation with one of my managers. I was in the bathroom and just about to leave when he came in and started talking to me about his computer. Eventually he made his way over to one of the stalls and sat down and I thought the conversation was over. Then as I was creeping closer to the door to try and make my get away, he started a new topic! So here I am with the door propped half-way open because I was about to leave and he’s asking me what I normally shoot on the golf course. Then he said that we should get a group together in the office and go golfing one of these days.

I believe there’s a code in the guys washroom that forbids any type of conversation while doing #2. I feel a bit violated and dirty.
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Saturday I enjoyed an evening picnic with Sonia while watching Shakespeare in the park. To be honest I’m not a big Shakespeare fan. The language is distracting and the story is often a bit too melodramatic. We watched As You Like It and it was exceptionally done by a group of very talented actors. The language was still Shakespearian but the music and the set was modernized. I was quite surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I think it definitely had something to do with the company I was keeping. Here are some pictures.




This Week’s Picnic Tip : Don’t bring sushi that’s going to melt in the sun. It’s not very appetizing.

This Week’s Shakespeare in the Park Tip : If you’re wearing a funny looking hat, look for others who are wearing funny hats so you can sit together and start a funny hat’s only section.
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Sunday. This may have been our best fishing day ever. You guys are in for a bass bonanza!

Next week – saltwater fishing on the coast of British Columbia.

Jolly good.


Bassmaster Tom <-- and --> Bassmaster Khiem.


Thankfully we brought the net. <-- --> This fish has a tumour that bears an uncanny resemblance to Dan's head.


Bassmaster Dan. Making it look easy.


I think Tom swallowed the hook. <-- --> When the fish weren't splashing, the baby deer were.

Note what's on my right arm. It's a Cure pin. I got 3 of them free with the purchase of their new album. They're also here in concert on Monday. If all goes well maybe I'll be there.

You've been duped...
(OLP - Thief)

Shaky - "If you wrote an objective, honest evaluation of your own personality and made it public to the world, would you feel as naked as I would feel? Could you even write an objective, honest evaluation of yourself or would you lie? "

Self-Esteem - "Would you know if I lied?"

Shaky - "Why lie? If you don’t understand yourself, how do you expect anyone else to understand you?"

Self-Esteem - "Stop kidding yourself, we’re all strangers to each other. "

Endless Spiral of Self-Deprecation
(UB40 - Red Red Wine)

I’m sleepy and I’m hungry. If I eat, I’ll probably get sleepier. If I sleep, I’ll get fired. What a shitty combination.
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My efforts to stop shaking my knee seem to be working. I’m a lot more aware of it which gives me the chance to consciously stop it. However, I think I’m cracking my knuckles on a more frequent basis now. I think if I try to stop cracking my knuckles as well I’ll likely pick up a new annoying habit like smoking.

Look what I’ve started. It’s like an endless spiral of self-deprecation.
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I bought the new Cure cd a few weeks ago and I got 3 free pins from them. Sweetness to the extreme! Then on top of that earlier this week Best Buy had some crazy sale where I got the Coldplay Live DVD and CD for $9.99. The regular price is $23.99! I don’t usually like to shop but damn I’m having some good shopping karma lately. I bet if I stop off at the adult video store on the way home to buy a movie, they’ll throw in some free hand sanitizer and some moist towelettes as well!
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Having a rough day? Someone sent me this today…I think it’ll cheer you all up…

POSITIVE THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
When you feel that nobody loves you,
Nobody cares for you,
And everyone is ignoring you,
You should start asking yourself…

Am I TOO sexy?

I'm just your ordinary, average, everyday sick psycho.

Never compromise your own integrity to be nice to those without integrity.
(Morcheeba - World Looking In)

Don't stop just yet
We've got the world looking in
Our Window

...
I know nice guys always finish last but I don't have to be a graceful loser.

You've screwed me over for the last time. I won't forget (neither will Karma).